Coaches Gone Wild: The Things Our Managers Say

Inspired by Rafael Benitez's insanely entertaining outburst against Alex Ferguson today, Goal.com was cheerfully reminded of just how volatile coaches can be.

The pressures of a job in which a mere month of underperformance from your eleven men can see you fired are clear, and as such even the most staid and steady coach can be driven to spitting froth in the general direction of the nearest microphone.

Examples abound all around the world: here we'll look at just a few memorable moments from the 'Gaffers'...

Fergie, Only Fergie!

Of course we'll start with today's. Liverpool topped the Premier League table heading into 2009, giving Rafa Benitez cause to be easy-going. Or so you'd think. Instead he looks ahead to the weekend with this:

"We had a meeting about the 'Respect' campaign and I was very clear - forget about it, because Mr. Ferguson is killing the referees. How can you talk about the 'Respect' campaign and yet criticise the referee every single week?

"During the 'Respect' campaign - and this is a fact - Mr. Ferguson was charged by the FA for improper conduct after comments made about Martin Atkinson and Keith Hackett. He was not punished. He is the only manager in the league that cannot be punished for these things."

... Yes, Only Fergie

When you look back at some of the things everyone's favourite Scotsman has come out with over the years, you may begin to sympathise just a bit with Rafa's position.

That said, Sir Alex Ferguson's just as likely to turn his ire towards his own players, and not the officials.

In 1983 Sir Alex's Aberdeen side beat Glasgow giants Rangers in the Scottish Cup final. The Dons had in fact weathered a storm for much of the fixture, though - something that did not go unnoticed by a young(er) Fergie.

As his players danced around him, celebrating their second consecutive Cup victory, he turned to the camera and said:

"We are the luckiest team in the world. It was a disgraceful performance. (Willie) Miller and (Alex) McLeish won this cup for Aberdeen. They played Rangers themselves.

"It was a disgraceful performance. I'm not caring that we won the cup - it doesn't matter. Our standards have been set long ago and I'm not going to accept that from any Aberdeen team. There's no way we can take any glory from that."

The faintest hint of a smile was pulling at Ferguson's lips...

Better Left Unsaid

Then there are those managers who are, to put it mildly, the more "demonstrative" type.

Martin Jol fits into this camp. The Dutchman was so crestfallen after his Tottenham Hotspur side failed to break the top four that he took something resembling a vow of silence.

He said: "I was distraught for weeks. I did not even speak to my wife."

That's dedication. But this isn't:

"I touched her, but I did not speak to her."

Even his wry smile couldn't erase that particular mental image from all who heard it.

"Bird" Is A Four-Letter Word

And then there are those coaches who leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. How about Joe Kinnear at Newcastle United?

Few need reminding of the stormy press conference that came shortly after his arrival at St. James' Park. Here are just a few of the highlights:

Joe Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
Simon Bird: Me.
JK: You're a c*nt.
SB: Thank you.

Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're c*nts, we can all f*ck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK: Do it. Fine. F*cking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.

(in response to incredulity that he took the day off on his first day in charge of the first eleven)
SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK: It is none of your f*cking business. What the f*ck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f*cking manager. F*cking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB: No, you can listen to who you want.
JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB: Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB: What? More important things?
JK: What are you? My personal secretary? F*ck off.

Lost In Translation

That's obviously one extreme - the steam-out-of-the-ears intensity of the battle-hardened Dubliner. But what about those laid-back, mellow Dutch? Like, oh, Steve McClaren, for instance.

Shortly after his arrival at FC Twente, the former England manager decided to 'go native' by giving a Dutch interview. Only, he can't speak any Dutch. Still, who needs linguistic abilities when you have an accent?

"Championsh League, Liverpool or Arshenal, I thought one of them we would draw and it is Arshenal I think. To experiensh big gamesh, Championsh League... Arshenal... The Emiratesh... will be fantashtic for the playersh, not just for now but for the future ash well. I shay I think we are not just... what you call?... underdogsh but mashive underdogsh."

Really Lost In Translation

It takes a far braver man to actually attempt to speak a foreign tongue, though, and Giovanni Trappatoni is, by this measure, the absolute bravest of all.

Depicted below is a press conference that the Italian gave in the German language, with English subtitles provided to show the sort of grammatical errors he was making.



Bayern Munich will never forget that one...

I've Got Nothing Against Them, But...

Miguel Angel Lotina has the looks of a funeral director and the demeanour of a funeral director who's just lost his job for being too glum. Thus it was a particularly mammoth surprise when he came out with perhaps the oddest analogy of all the Spanish press conferences of last year.

When responding with his typical good grace to (admittedly unfounded) accusations that he'd lost the dressing room, he said:

"Who told you that the players have lost confidence in the bosses? Who is the informant? He didn't come here, so he doesn't count here.

"If you have information, you can say whatever - but you must give names. I can also say that a given guy is a homosexual, but I'd have to prove it. Although to make light of homosexuality isn't done anymore. You can't say it. It's easy to hurt people with words."

His unenlightened comments, oddly enough, seemed to win him back some respect.

Who Here Likes Birds?

If a bit of careless homophobia doesn't float your boat, why not have some light-hearted male chauvinism instead?

Well-travelled English coach Ian Holloway is quite clearly a ladies' man, given the kind of remarks that he's famous for. Here are just two:

"I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal. They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that's one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin."

"[On 'winning ugly']: To put it in gentleman’s terms, if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, you’ve done what you set out to do. We didn’t look our best today but we’ve pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they’re not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let’s have coffee."

Here Today, Gone Later Today

Fabio Capello's managed several of Europe's top sides - something you don't do without a willingness to up sticks and leave every now and again.

Certainly this was the case during his time at Roma... sort of. Famously he once said:

"I will never go to Juventus, it's just a simple lifestyle choice."

Juventus unveiled him as their coach around a year later. Capello lamely responded to his critics by adding:

"I never said that phrase, all I said is that I was not interested in going to Juventus."

Did I Say That?

Then again, misquoting is rife in the media world. Sven-Goran Eriksson certainly says so: he denies that he said these things to a 'fake Sheikh' during a sting operation from a tabloid newspaper:

"He [Rio Ferdinand] is lazy sometimes.....He [Wayne Rooney] has a temper and comes from a poor family...He [David Beckham] is a bit frustrated at Real Madrid....I talked to Michael Owen and said, 'You are happy?' He [Owen] said, 'Not really with the club, but economically I never earned that money in my life'. So they paid the salary more than Real Madrid did."

Amateurs!

And then there's another Manchester City alumnus, Stuart Pearce, who sums the whole crazy industry up nicely:

"It is pathetic and I find it quite embarrassing. I can't understand why people make statements touting me - an absolute amateur - for the England job. This must be the only industry in the world where you can have a total novice, who has not even been in management for one year, being touted for the top job in English football. Would we say the next Prime Minister is going to be someone who has not even been elected as an MP yet? No. When I was a youngster I wanted to rewire a house but I didn't just walk into someone's house and say 'I have no qualifications, can I wire your house today?' The situation is ludicrous. Suddenly, I win the derby and people are talking about England again. It is absolutely pathetic."

--Goal.com team



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